At last we were riding in a cab going to the hospital. Yap! It’s really last!! And I need to accept it. I need to undergo an emergency CS to save me and my baby. As we reached the hospital, I kept on praying. I kept on telling to myself that I need the strength to face all of these. I remembered I asked again a nurse if it’s really last to do an emergency CS, the nurse answered me, “Yes mam, and your OB-gyne is already waiting there in the operation room”.

At the emergency room, of course a lot of things need to do first before the operation.

The Deposit…the hospital needs 10k deposit to allow me to undergo an operation. I have only on my hand was 5k, I asked my mom to pay it and tell them that once my husband arrived he will give the extra 5k. My mother requests in the hospital and thankful that they accepted my deposit even it was only 5k.

The documents…a lot of documents needed to fill up once confined in the hospital. Our staff keeps on asking me on what she will write on the said documents since my mother was still in the cashier. This was the funny part of this experiences, (imagine hurt is in the air but the humor still there to cheer me up), since our staff in the office keep on asking me, I rather fill up the documents by myself. So I asked first the nurse to please explain to me every page of that document. I told them that I need to know it first before I fill up because maybe I cannot go out this hospital or they gonna sell me (oh well that’s a joke) but despite of the humor I have, the nurse looked frowning as he continue explaining every page of the documents. After I heard all the explanation, I started now filling up all the needed information, while I’m doing those things, our staff Ate Jho said “Mam ang tapang mo naman, ikaw pa ang nag fill up ng documents habang dinudugo ka na at malapit ng operahan” (Mam you’re so brave, because you can fill up those stuff while you’re in pain and ready to go on the operation). Well, I need to be strong, I need to be brave, I need to face all these….I want to shout!!!I want to be positive!!!I want to save my baby!!!!!

I am now sitting in a wheel chair, going to the operation room, I keep on praying…give me strength…help me…save me and my baby…guide me in all these….Now, at the operating room, my doctor keep on talking to me, that I felt that they want me to be strong and be ready, they keep on talking to me that will ease the pain and the worries. I am lying now on the bed, the pedia keep on asking me where is your husband? What happened?a lot of question just to get me busy and to turn my attention to them not to the nurse that keep on doing on my body just to ready me on the operation. My pedia told me “you should love yourself than to love your work” and “give a lot of care when your pregnant”. That phrases still in my mind, Yay! I should love my self other than anything, and I need to give a lot of care when I’m pregnant.

The anesthesiologist saying hi to me!!! I know what will happen next, the injection that’s the scary moment in my life. I hate injection! I really really hate it! But in my mind I need to undergo on that procedure. All the doctors hold me in my feet, in my body, in my hands. The doctor told me not to move…wahhhh….here it is! Suddenly, I felt the pain, oops..i move…the doctor said “don’t move mommy, we gonna do it again..waahh. I should behave or else….

Then I felt numbing in my body. They inject me again in my shoulder, I did not feel anything. Waahh…then I felt sleepy in just a moment, but still my mind is awake, because I remembered anesthesiologist said that I’m awake during the operation because I ate my lunch, I should not eat for how many hours I think before the operation, unfortunately, since it's an emergency, unavoidable circumstances occur. ….5pm…the doctor said, it’s a boy!!!Finally!!!i heard Gelo is crying on a very loud voice..I smile though I felt groggy. Then after that sound..i slept…hoping for in just a while, I will see my son and I will hug him, carry him, and kiss him.

Those are my struggle…the struggle of my son….soon